There was a time in my life when self-care wasn’t something I had to schedule to make time for myself.
It was simply part of my everyday routine.
If I wanted to get my nails done, I made an appointment.
If I felt like spending an afternoon at a coffee shop reading a book, that’s exactly what I did.
And if I wanted to spend a day shopping, browsing stores, and treating myself to a few things, I didn’t have to think too much about it.
I lived life at my own pace.
Looking back, I don’t think I realized just how much I appreciated that freedom until my life began to change.
Marriage, motherhood, and the responsibilities that come with building a family have brought so much meaning into my life.
But they’ve also changed the way I spend my time, prioritize my needs, and make decisions.
And somewhere along the way, the little things I used to do for myself became things I rarely made time for anymore.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about that version of myself.
Not because I want my old life back.
But because I miss certain parts of the woman I was before everyone else needed a piece of my time.
And I’m learning that it’s okay to admit that.
I Miss Living Life at My Own Pace
When I think about the things I miss most, they’re not necessarily extravagant experiences.
Sure, I loved a good shopping spree.
And there’s something wonderful about walking into a nail salon knowing you have nowhere else you need to be.
But I think what I really miss is the freedom that came with those moments.
The ability to decide how I wanted to spend my afternoon without mentally running through a list of responsibilities.
I could take my time getting ready.
Spend an hour wandering around a store.
Sit at a coffee shop with a book and enjoy my drink while it was still warm.
There wasn’t always somewhere else I needed to be.
Or someone waiting for me to finish what I was doing.
I didn’t realize it then, but those little moments gave me a sense of independence that I genuinely enjoyed.
And while I wouldn’t trade the life I have today, I can still acknowledge that I miss having that kind of flexibility.
Marriage and Motherhood Changed My Priorities
Becoming a wife and mother changed my life in ways I couldn’t have fully understood beforehand.
Suddenly, my decisions weren’t just about me anymore.
There were other people to consider.
Other schedules.
Other needs.
Other responsibilities.
And as our family grew, so did the number of things requiring my attention.
I love being present for my children.
I love the home and life my husband and I have created together.
And I genuinely appreciate the opportunity to experience this season of motherhood.
But loving those things doesn’t mean every adjustment has been easy.
Sometimes I miss being able to make a spontaneous decision without considering five other things first.
Sometimes I miss having an entire afternoon that belongs to nobody but me.
And sometimes I simply miss doing something because I feel like doing it.
Not because it’s productive.
Not because it benefits someone else.
Just because I enjoy it.
Somewhere Along the Way, Self-Care Became Optional
Something I’ve noticed about myself is how easily I can prioritize everyone else’s needs while pushing my own interests aside.
And I don’t necessarily mean that in a dramatic way.
Sometimes it’s as simple as deciding I’ll do my skincare routine later because I’m tired.
Or putting off getting my nails done because there are other things I’d rather spend the money on.
Or telling myself I’ll read my book once everything else is finished.
Except everything else is rarely finished.
There’s always another load of laundry.
Another meal to prepare.
Another email to answer.
Another task waiting on my desk.
And before I know it, another day has passed without making time for something I genuinely enjoy.
The funny thing is that I used to be so intentional about self-care.
It wasn’t an occasional reward.
It was a regular part of how I lived.
And somewhere along the way, I started treating those same things like luxuries I could only enjoy once everything else was taken care of.
I’m realizing that I don’t want to keep doing that.
I Don’t Want to Feel Guilty for Missing My Old Routine
I think there’s an unspoken expectation that once you become a wife or mother, you’re supposed to be so fulfilled by those roles that you never miss anything about your life before them.
But I don’t think that’s realistic.
At least, it hasn’t been for me.
I can be grateful for my marriage and still miss the freedom I once had.
I can adore my children and still wish I had more uninterrupted time to myself.
I can love being home with my family and still want to spend an afternoon somewhere completely by myself.
Those feelings don’t cancel each other out.
They simply reflect the fact that life changes.
And sometimes, even beautiful changes require us to let go of things we enjoyed.
I don’t want to feel guilty for remembering those experiences fondly.
They were part of my life.
They were part of who I was.
And I think there’s value in acknowledging that instead of pretending I never miss them.
Self-Care Doesn’t Have to Look Exactly Like It Used To
One thing I’m beginning to understand is that I probably won’t return to the exact lifestyle I had before marriage and children.
And that’s okay.
My life looks different now.
My responsibilities are different.
My priorities are different.
Even my definition of a relaxing afternoon has changed.
But that doesn’t mean the things I used to enjoy have to disappear completely.
Maybe I won’t spend an entire afternoon shopping whenever I feel like it.
But I can make time to browse my favorite stores occasionally.
Maybe I won’t have hours to sit in a coffee shop reading.
But I can take my book somewhere quiet and enjoy a little uninterrupted time.
And maybe getting my nails done won’t happen as frequently as it once did.
But it can still be something I look forward to.
I’m learning that I don’t need to recreate my old routine perfectly.
I just need to make room for some of the things that made it special.
How I’m Learning to Make Time for Myself Again
When I think about bringing self-care back into my everyday life, I don’t want to turn it into another complicated routine.
The last thing I need is a self-care checklist that makes me feel behind. 😂
Instead, I want to start with things that genuinely make me happy.
Taking my time with my skincare routine instead of rushing through it.
Reading a few chapters of a book without feeling like I should be doing something more productive.
Enjoying a cup of coffee without immediately reaching for my phone.
Making an appointment to get my nails done when it’s practical.
Or giving myself permission to spend a little time browsing stores simply because I enjoy it.
Some of those things require planning.
Others only require me to slow down long enough to enjoy them.
And right now, I’m trying to appreciate both.
Because I don’t think self-care always needs to be elaborate.
Sometimes it’s just remembering to include yourself in your own day.
I’m Learning That Rest Doesn’t Have to Be Earned
This is probably one of the biggest mindset shifts I’m working through.
I’m realizing that learning to make time for myself isn’t about abandoning my responsibilities. It’s about remembering that my needs and interests matter, too.
For some reason, it’s easy to feel like I need to finish everything before I can relax.
If the house is clean, then I can read.
If my work is finished, then I can enjoy a movie.
If I’ve accomplished enough, then I can spend time doing something just for myself.
But when you’re managing a home, raising children, and building a business, there’s almost always something left to do.
If I wait for every responsibility to disappear, I might be waiting forever.
And I don’t want that.
I’m learning that I can be responsible and still take a break.
I can have unfinished tasks and still enjoy an evening skincare routine.
I can have goals I’m working toward and still spend an hour doing absolutely nothing productive.
Rest doesn’t have to be a reward for exhausting myself.
It can simply be part of taking care of myself.
I Want My Children to See That I Matter Too
Something else I’ve been thinking about is what my children learn from watching how I live.
They see me taking care of our home.
They see me working.
They see me planning, creating, and showing up for our family.
And I love that.
But I also want them to see me enjoying things that are just for me.
I want them to understand that being a mother doesn’t mean a woman stops having interests, hobbies, or dreams of her own.
I want my daughter to grow up knowing she can love her family deeply without forgetting herself.
And I want my sons to understand that the women in their lives deserve time, care, and consideration too.
I don’t think that lesson has to come from a big conversation.
Sometimes it can be as simple as seeing Mom sitting down with a book.
Or watching me take my time getting ready.
Or knowing that I occasionally have plans that are just for me.
Those moments matter.
And I want to make more room for them.
I’m Not Trying to Become My Old Self Again
I think this is the most important part of what I’ve been reflecting on.
I miss certain things about my old lifestyle.
I miss the spontaneity.
The independence.
The slower pace.
The freedom to decide how I wanted to spend my time without having to consider so many other responsibilities.
But I don’t necessarily want to go backward.
The woman I am today has experienced things the younger version of me hadn’t yet.
I’ve grown through marriage.
I’ve learned through motherhood.
I’ve discovered new interests, developed new goals, and found parts of myself I didn’t even know existed.
And I’m proud of that growth.
What I want now is to find a way for those different versions of me to coexist.
The woman who loves being a wife and mother.
The woman who enjoys building businesses and creating content.
And the woman who still loves a quiet coffee shop, a fresh manicure, a good book, and a little shopping trip.
They’re all me.
And I don’t want to feel like I have to choose between them.
Making Time for Myself Is Something I’m Still Learning
I wish I could end this article by telling you I’ve figured out the perfect balance.
That I have a beautiful self-care routine scheduled every day.
That I never feel guilty taking time for myself.
And that I always remember to prioritize the things I enjoy.
But that wouldn’t be honest.
I’m still figuring it out.
I want to make time for myself without feeling like I have to earn every quiet moment.
There are days when I make time for myself and days when I get completely caught up in everything else.
There are weeks when I feel organized and others when I’m simply trying to keep up.
But I think the difference now is that I’m becoming more aware of what I’ve been missing.
And instead of dismissing those feelings, I’m choosing to pay attention to them.
Because I don’t believe I have to lose the things I love about myself in order to love the life I’ve built.
I can appreciate this season and still make changes.
I can embrace my responsibilities and still create space for joy.
And I can love the woman I’ve become while making room for the woman I’ve always been.
I’m not trying to get my old life back. I’m learning how to bring more of myself into the life I have now. 💚
